Modicum of fitness.

I have, in the past commented on my Masters appearance, make that a somewhat lack of the afore mentioned remark. What am I harping on about I hear you ask? He is back on His bike, says’ it’s to help Him Keep fit, surely that term employs that one must already have a modicum of fitness in order for one to “keep fit! ”

Dressed in blue shorts with His name stitched on the sides, so He tells everybody, “Reebok Classic?” strange name for a human! I thought He was called Patrick, but who am I to question another species, especially as they the paragon of the intelligentsia, ALLERGEDLY!

First and foremost there is the bike, now correct me if I am wrong on this one, please! But last time I looked a bicycle is a wheeled contraption, two in total unless my memory fails.... one in the front and the other at the rear! This malogen has none, zero, nil of the requisite practical items. For the past 12 months it has been fixed to his bedroom floor and till now collecting layer upon layer of household dust.

If your mind is at all strong enough, image a pot belly on sparrow like legs with what one can only describe as sad trainers lashed to His feet to help keep some sort of balance. Now if you will reel in horror while my Master fights with gravity to mount His butt onto the saddle. Give up man! He haven’t even started to “cycle” and already pooped with sweat flowing from every square centimetre for what passes for a head. Bald old fart! Once mounted, it’s funny in a cruel sort of way watching as He struggles to fit flat feet into those straps on the two peddles.

“Time is moving on old man, I have a life to live!” Readers, there are dead slug’s that move faster than He does. Whilst peddling on the lowest settings He has installed a television on the dresser top to keep Him distracted as time moves on. I don’t think John Logie Baird was thinking of our lovely Paddy sparrow legs prancing about in Muswell Hill’s Ally Pally in a vain hope to get fit.

There’s no saving Him, He is beyond redemption!

Keep fit, stay fit.

Savaldor