Know it all!

Hi All,
Well since I first set up this strange thing last week I've been itching to get on with the job, but sadly unable to get to the laptop, My house mate is always hogging it working on his web site or in the same room at the same time, and I don’t want him telling me what to put. You know what humans are like, they “ALWAYS know best” ... Yea! Like how good are they at jumping 2.5 times their height without a run up? I can do it from a standing position!
He is out now…. "You look after the house Sal; I'm off to the supermarket, back soon!
"Yea! Like we believe that old chestnut, it's Thursday and he always only shop’s on Saturdays. The fibber! What does he take me for a fool? But as he has gone I shall take this opportunity and get on with what I do best.
I am the brains in this household, who is it that keeps him informed of people approaching the front door, long before they ring the bell, even if they are JUST walking by? What about when pigeons land in the back garden or any sort of bird for that matter (Ha! Ha!). Who is it that gets them to vacate in my own special way? ME! Yours truly! That’s who! And what do I get…lies and a wafer thin coloured tasteless chew on his return if I'm lucky, Ha! Thank you (NOT!) The bald old fart!
I wonder what he is up to. Strange for him, out after dark without someone keeping an eye on him and all dressed up!
Got to go now….. I hear someone walking up the path, might be Him. Talk again. Soon!

Night All,

Salvador.